"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. "- Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)
“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.” — Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)
My thought of the week: They say that focusing on the good things in life can make your journey easier. My dilemma is… how can you focus on the good things in life when there are so many bad things happening around you? When the people you love are in pain… when the sources of your happiness aren’t… happy.
"Change. We don’t like it, we fear it but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow; anybody that tells you it doesn’t is lying…"
Meridith Grey - Grey’s Anatomy
Change.The word kicks me in the nuts! lol. It feels like so much change is happening in such a short period of time. It scares the hell out of me. Change hurts. Change is hard. Change is unavoidable. But it can be good for you in the long run. As much as I want time to move faster (for the healing reasons), sometimes… don’t you just wanna scream, "Hooooold uuuuuup!…PAUSE a goddamn moment please!"? because you feel like everything has become a blur, like everything is happening so fast.
Change , may just be a phase. (or at least we hope it is) Or obstacles in life made to test us. And because it’s unavoidable there’s nothing we can do but face it. That is why we have our family and friends. They are our angels in disguise who are given to us to guide us in life and to help us face these obstacles.
I’ve probably written so many soppy letters to you, telling you how much you mean to me, how much I love you and how thankful I am to have you in life (I think I said that anyway lol.) Well, this letter is no different. Today and a couple months ago, I saw you cry… and although that day, a couple of months ago, you had you’re own problems on your mind, and although today, you might have been in your own cute-happy-soppy-bubble :-P (which I love seeing you in) you still managed to shed those tears for me ;-( I don’t like seeing you cry and I don’t like being the reason behind those tears either. I don’t like you feeling the pain that I’m feeling now… or any other pain. But those tears reminded me how lucky I am to have a best friend like you.Those tears… they mean so much to me. YOU mean so much to me.
That is why, even if… yeah, sure. I may be broken up inside in reality… but seeing all our other friends and specially you, in the aura that you were in today, makes my messy reality a lot easier to live in. It makes me forget about the “nonsense I make up in my head” (LOL), even if it’s just for that moment. And it reminds me that it is still possible to be happy.
Tonight, I thank the Lord for giving me an incredible gift like you. And to you best friend… thank youso much for everthing. For listening to me all these times, even though I know I may sound like a broken record now :-S For crying with me :-| For acting stupid to make me laugh although I had tears streaming down my face >.< For reminding me that I’m lucky to have so many people like you as my friends :-) For never giving up on me and simply… thank you for being my best friend…
Words are yet to be invented to be able to describe what a beautiful person you are… inside and out.
Watching one of your best friends walk away from another is, without a doubt, painful. To see the most blissful person you know break into tears is heartbreaking. It’s like you are somehow connected.
"In school we are taught a lesson and then tested. In life we are tested and then taught a lesson."
To accept, even the most painful things, is one of the lessons we learn in life. I guess it’s the only way we can go on to tomorrow. To try not to look back. To accept and move on. Forget what had happened yesterday and to focus on the present. It’s easier said than done.Cliché I know, but nothing in this word that’s worth having comes easy.
During one of those impractical RS lessons, the class was asked to define the word "Happy"/"Happiness".
"State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."
None of us could pin point an exact definition and the discussion was endless. Reflecting on that lesson made me think of when the last time i was genuinely happy and it got me thinking of what was my definition of happy.
Thomas Jefferson talked about the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness in the the Deceleration of Independence. The right to pursue happiness… everyone has the right to be happy, the right to find the thing that will make them happy.
Sometimes, we are put into situations where someone close to us goes through extreme lenghts to pursue that happiness - their happiness. At some point we see them suffer and we no longer think that this can be any good for them, but they still choose to carry on and differences between you are uplifted. Even though it may mean that you are holding onto your beliefs and taking a risk, maybe, we need to realise if this really makes them happy then we should let them go on and if it doesn’t, then maybe we should realise that we should let them learn from their own mistakes and if we really did care for them, then we’d be there if the worst came. If we really cared for someone we’d want them to be happy even if it makes us a little upset, but seeing them at joy, shouldn’t that make us happy anyway? Everyone of us has the right to pursue happiness. So it doesn’t totally disregard your rights…
Happiness can come from the smallest things, like from watching you favourite cartoon film. From an old memory with a loved one. From a simple flash of smile from the person you’re admiring. From that moment when a baby holds your finger with their tiny hand. From the site of your friends when your walking into school. When you watch a person you love, whom you know has been through a lot, laugh and smile - the kind where you know they truly are happy. From that simple moment of being able to sit next to the person you want the most and from the simple thought that you made someone happy today.
Today, I did a simple act to help out a friend. I saw the beaming smile they had on their face and I felt how happy they were and at that moment i couldn’t care less about my problems. I made someone happy today. That’s all i need. To see the people around me with smiles and full of laughter. There are no words to describe the feeling after putting a beaming smile on someone’s face.
Pay it Forward
If someone made you happy today why don’t you pay it forward tomorrow? Make someone else happy. It doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be that same person, it could be anyone. A friend in need of a shoulder to cry on, a family desperate for advice, an enemy in need for a friend… just pay it forward.
“Closure is a popular psychology term. It refers to a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person’s life. The term cognitive closure has been defined as "a desire for definite knowledge on some issue and the eschewal of confusion and ambiguity." Need for closure is a phrase used by psychologists to describe an individual’s desire for a firm solution as opposed to enduring ambiguity.” - Wikipedia lol
If you had a strong need for closure, and it’s what’s best for you and you have the chance to have it, would you take that chance?… Yes. would probably be your answer. But, how about, if by getting that closure, you’d have to go back and remember all that had happened? Which probably means that it’ll take you back to 'square one'.
Well… I’m not sure, but i think that chance may have come today and i don’t know whether to take it. i’m so tired of going back… remembering everything… endless and unecessary thinking… i can’t help it at times but there’s only so much a person can take right? i don’t know if i’m happy with how things are at the moment, i mean i really could use a bit more space and maybe the power of being able to fast forward time, and i don’t know whether i’m ready for the conclusion…
"1. The end, finish, close or last part of something."
Doesn’t a conclusion mean the end? the final part? the sound of it scares me… what if i’m not ready for it to be the end? or should i, by now, get the gist that that’s it? full stop. the end. ? Maybe i need this. But what if I’m just not ready to move on but because i know i have to and it’s probably the best thing, I’m thinking i should want closure *confused* :-|
Is there such thing as a hurtful closure? i mean, is there a solution/conclusion that can hurt? or is closure meant to answer all our unanswered questions and leave us… fixed? satisfied? maybe… Or maybe hurtful closure can be term used for a conclusion that is not wanted. An ending that one was not ready for… ?
"No matter how much you tell yourself you’re over someone, your heart knows the truth."
Yup. Unfortunately, it’s true. No matter how much elaborative or maintenance rehearsal i do, repeating ‘I’m over him…’ or ‘Get over him…’ every night just doesn’t do it :-|
i have problems trying to explain to people how i feel,'Alexithyma' i believe is the word for it, so i live by finding quotes which explains what cr^p goes through my head. I’ve found s**t loads of quotes… and they pretty much sum up to one thing: there are other people who are feeling the exact same thing (or worse) as i am right this minute. Thing is… i don’t know whether to be glad that I’m not alone in this or… to be shattered. Because the thought that many people go through this excruciating pain… the sleepless nights, the endless crying… is heart breaking itself ;-( i wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through this. Friends, enemies… exs. No.
"Silly love stories… happy endings… chick flicks… soppy what nots… it’s all BULLCR^P! "
i personally blame all the hollywood films that has influenced our minds and that has shaped our expectations from others. They set it up too high. LIES! ;-( Happy endings don’t exist, nothing’s perfect, forever doesn’t exist 8-)! fiction… it just gets into our head a little too much.
MEH!it’s all a bunch of f**kery really! And to sum everything up… I DON’T KNOW.
that’s end of my bitter blogging and random rant for today :L